Hi friends,
I donno if can call friend or friends ….but I feel whoever reads my blogs must definitely be a friend of mine … he need to have my way of thinking and patience to understand my feelings … wat would I say this time around …

I have so much to tell yet I don’t find a topic to write never worry I am not those who lack good communication, my friends do know wats my language and feelings. Primary thing which has happened I got cut off my world my window to the world that’s my internet has been have some rest time after a spike occurred in the transmission line. With so many friends in engineering and thousands of advices and experimentation my system still isn’t repaired. Now few smart guys would ask why didn’t I call a repair guy, that’s typically me … wat life have u lived if u didn’t venture into known and didn’t take any risk …. On my death bed I don’t want to feel … gaaash … I should have opened my computer atleast once … looked inside the poor fellow …

I keep wondering how many ppl just let the life pass by saying why should we take the risk … lets play it safe … how can u “play” something at same time safe … I would never understand …. Been seeing ppl who were forced into situation and later came out of it … would rather cover it saying they took the risk … no they are forced into … risk in not facing life’s problem , it is rather abt doing wat u like then wat comes to u … but in all these falsehood at the death bed these guys would know they have lived it fully … they would be unhappy not because that they are dying but only because they have not lived the life fully … they have made lots of compromise for someone or something…. Wat have they done for themselves …. Its not being selfish it is knowing wat u want … if ur actions harms only u then why do u feel ur selfish … even then If pp feel I am selfish … then I am the most on the earth

The life is an adventure and pleasure of meeting new ppl … liking the places which u have selected … how would u know wat kinda life a auto drivers live if u have not been to their colony … if ur not mischievous, then how can u know how much ur principal likes u … I closed my eyes and stretched my hands … waiting for the stick strike … wat do I get a smile … and he lets all the ppl in act go free …if I didn’t play the wet holi how would I know the fun cleaning urself and pleasure bathing for hours …if I wasn’t taking any risk how could I experience the pleasure of climbing a hill on rain day … how can anyone know the adventure … the fall can be exciting…. One who has not fallen doesn’t know wat is rise ….

Think it this way … have u ever been able to see in darkness … I wonder not much can be seen … since there is so much of light around that we have never experienced the darkness … once u sit in darkness with ur eyes closed and the room in which there was nothing visible slowly becomes visible even with least amount of light..... Do you know that pupil becomes large in darkness to see more … similarly life becomes more even though the time is small u live full life if u can experience the darkness and pains of life … one that has not seen to get wat he likes … never likes whatever he gets?

Friends life is very short … I don’t want to die all of the sudden without letting the world know wat am I and was going through my life. If we could see the written words stays and conveys ur messages 100s yrs down the lane wat someone thoughts were like.

Again where am I drifting … no I am not going anywhere … feelings don’t have destination it just have flow … u can just choose to be with it and opposing this world which would label u as one of the most uncontrolled person .. who don’t have control on their heart and thoughts … failure icon …wat do people represent to me … nothing more the sheep on the hills … they can scale any height and get more greener patches for fodder … they too think they have achieved heights and more happy living … but wat they have achieved steep inclination with no proper foot hold … that’s wat is called living on edge … I am not one of the sheep.. I am on the ground; I may not have much to eat …. I could at least jump whenever my heart feels so … I can run … even for going to toilet I need not search for a place. Ever thought why technology is called cutting edge …. Man sub-consciously tries to make the edge smoother for his struggle for existence.

Since I have marinated ur mind of long enough so that it can understand my feelings I would start at once what I want to say …. This wasn’t long back but sometime back … it was the time I was in hostel away from the family … how many of u guys would be happy living away from the family … I was rather feeling really happy … first time in my life I am having more freedom then at home .. I can eat wat I want … or even can sleep without eating … who is gonna disturb me …. But soon the hostel was happy imposing restriction on free soul … I was born with any restriction…. I was born of caesarian … I didn’t even wanted to come out if there was some restriction for my entrance to this world then how can u expect me to be restricted to this rules … used to play shuttle in hostel corridor … skip in the room … never tied my hair … drank from bottle …never hid something which anyone told me… I didn’t even hide my inner wear … I would be all over the room … it too has be free like me …

So madam haari mirch was hot with me … was called to her room for explanation which she can’t forget for her life time … why shuttle in corridor … the wind moment was linear and straight … rather then across on the ground … scientific reasoning u see ..
Skipping in room... I couldn’t do it in bathroom u see …then bottle … wats the purpose of any container … to retain and supply back …economical reasoning …why should I hide something … if u hide something then .. Ur doing something wrong which u don’t want the this world to know … if ur telling the truth … then why fear … abt inner world …. It is time it sees outer world at least once a while …

After this battle of answers I was sent out … achieved my freedom again … now I was with cousins in a room … cooking was adventure … housekeeping was challenge … I was the nightmare of the family … poor innocent girls were put up with crazy bitch like me … wat a wonder … they were at least 5 yrs older to me …idiots always come in packages … anyways do I care for wat they feel … no ways, life is far superior then anything on this earth to waste time on feeling something for senseless


Now all these feelings are going to be immaterial once you learn to live life fully…. If u have an affair they would come to me and say … don’t get too involved stay out of it so that u can get out of it easily. There was times when I know very well that it is not going to end up in marriage but is that the destination of love. For me the process is more beautiful or else how can enjoy the moment if Ur not fully committed. U can’t know wat is wetness if Ur not fully submerged into water, is life abt being half wet. Same is true abt life.

I have been here in this room which was abt 6 kms away from the main city and the colony consisted of many small houses, families there were from middle class and lower middle class back ground. This house has given me immense opportunity to understand and experiment with life. Ppl here use coconut jute to heat the water for bathing early in morning when u go on the roof u can see whole of this place is filled with lots of smoke and some kinda intoxication. The ash from chimney floating in air. Birds watching u helplessly.

I had to go to some idiotic school there which has nothing else to say abt but their Jesus Christ they were so confused of themselves… love ur enemy then hate ur lover. It is a time in life where u would be trying to learn many things. I met a like minded person who thinks and feels uncomfortable as I am in these situations. Discussing many topics and my life all of the sudden started to become more then happening, suddenly I have lot to tell to this world and listen also.

I never feared where the relationship is heading he was my senior soon he would leave the school and he would be on his own. May be he is planning to go to larger and far city soon and we shall never meet again but is this a reason not enjoy my present. How does this affect my marriage in future by any chance? As the topic of marriage has come up let me tell u something more abt it.

Guys you might be knowing there was something called sathi in earlier days where the women would be burnt alive with her husband on funeral pyre. What do u think abt, does it still exist in this modern world. I feel it is present every where. I would explain u the procedure in detail so that u can understand better. A widow is place on the funeral pyre surrounded with many drummers and orchestra, priests chanting all senseless mantras and all these priests stand around the pyre, family would form the second circle after priests and at last whole gather of people standing and shouting and encouraging her to die.

How is it related to marriage …..? It has strong relationship in both the cases there is loud drumming so that no one can hear the screaming of pain of the dying person. There is priest chanting something so that no one else speaks anything or a hearing anything and there is of course family for whom the prestige is more important then happiness of their child. They would say Ur making us proud by this very commitment and act, Ur saint of our family. As the last resort u ask ur mom to help she would give u a bottle poison and say have it, it may reduce the pain of suffering from fire and husband.
It has been long time I have become saint of family now I have even become witch of the family but I think witches are IN thing after Harry potter series. I was simply a normal person from childhood so all this nonsense never enter my head. Discussions for my only pleasure at that time, he was highly evolved and compassionate person. Those lonely nights I used to spend on my terrace seeing some buses moving in distant highway those blinking lights in distance, buses going to Kerala would be colorful like there dance forms. Buses going to Tamil nadu would bright with dark people inside it and of course AP buses would be the noisiest it can be heard at least a mile away. Looking at the moon now I still feel wat would he doing … at night the roof top is such a good place to talking to friends, cousins and neighbours.

Women would dress up by 6 in evening even when their husbands would be coming by 10 or 12 who knows. I never waiting for any man in life. In the cities there is no such thing as waiting for husband she would be tired and not interested for anything else. These women would give me the idea of old time when women would dress up for her husband she will have her even bath and flowers and of course they would be talking all the nonsense with women in colony till their husbands come.

I had the habit of eating late in night so there would not be anyone to discuss or talk so I would switch on the radio which would be signaling out dumbest of programs in most alien language to me yet I liked to eat with it beside me. Can anyone enjoy loneliness if he has not experimented with it? These are just few of things u can do make it different. I lived away from family and friends and yet in every place I went I made many friends and now I don’t fear being away and being near it is all the same for me.

I have seen guys who won’t try different shaving blades thinking it would hurt them. They don’t even know how to change the language in cell since they never experimented with it. They can’t understand silence then wat can they understand abt the words. They can’t be themselves for everything they do; they need a reason rule book. One day when they die there wont be any rules on dying. He would then realize he stood have taken more risk in life, may be I should have married her or stood my friend at the time of crisis or I should have taken the more risk in life to get wat I wanted …

So why did I tell all this … to say never regret wat u have done … do as many mistakes as u can … so that one day u can teach this lesser living ppl wat life is all abt.
Now at last … I too tired the experiment of being offline for long time or else how would I know who is missing me… now am back with more vigor then before…. Thanks for patience …

Bye